Bad Dad(s): Real Men
The Dangers of Unresolved Trauma
“A number of prominent conservatives have made it a point to publicly refer to President Donald T***p as “daddy.” While the nickname has been derided by many as cringey and weird, it might actually tell us something about Trump’s political style, how his supporters view him and how people overall may at times assess political figures, according to experts.” -- Some Conservatives Keep Awkwardly Calling Trump 'Daddy.' Experts Weigh In On What's Behind It
The past week has seen any number of MAGA Cult members referring to Donold T***p as “Daddy.” Loony-tune and antisemite-curious, Mel Gibson stated, “I’m glad T***p’s here at the moment. It’s like daddy arrived and he’s taking his belt off, you know?”
I have written about this epidemic of Evangelical abuse previously. When Talia Levin set out to write her book, Wild Faith, she put out a tweet asking people to share their stories with her.
“In October 2021, I posted a tweet asking people who had had abusive Evangelical childhoods to reach out to me for a research project that would form part of my new book, Wild Faith. Within 72 hours, 150 people reached out to me, sharing their stories on email and DM. The respondents’ ages ranged from 22 to 65; many were my age, in their early 30s. They were grateful that someone wanted to talk about what had happened to them.” -- Breaking a Child's Will The Evangelical family's twisted obsession with corporal punishment (paywall)
I will surrender the reality that Ruth Ben-Ghiat proposes regarding “Strongmen,” however, I sincerely believe we are witnessing a massive psychosis born of unresolved trauma among people who were abused for over a century and have continued to pass this abuse down from generation to generation without doing any work around their trauma.
When you dig into the familial disease of abuse among the Evangelical community, this goes far beyond a desire to see a strong head of state. T***p himself is a walking advertisement for someone who shows signs of trauma and abuse and has clearly never done any work around his anguish. He just spews his vitriolic grief onto everyone around him.
Leadership is given, not taken. Good leaders are given power by virtue of their ability to motivate others to follow. They do not claim leadership by virtue of power or fear…that is a despot. It is what Robert Bly calls The High Chair Tyrant and Michael Meade defines as an unclaimed archetype.
“The High Chair Tyrant is often seen as a figure who expects the world to revolve around them. They demand attention, care, and resources without consideration for others.” -- The High Chair Tyrant Archetype
If you are a survivor of abuse, you recognize what is happening around us right now. Abuse and cruelty are all part of the plan. Turn off funding for Medicaid, SNAP, childcare, VA benefits and senior meals. Punish everyone.
This is the Christian Nationalist vision for the country. Their Talibangelical view of the world means that they never have to look at their own trauma and just keep acting out their wounds on the rest of us. “Daddy arrived and he’s taking his belt off.”
“Since Christian nationalists believe that the nation itself is at stake, virtues such as kindness, gentleness, and compassion can be placed aside if doing so will advance the cause of “taking the country back.”” -- 3 Dangers of Christian Nationalism, Christianity.com
A Return to Chiron
“The church is a human institution and often it's just messy like all human life.” –Rev Len Vander Zee
It takes work to not be a wounded human…to excavate the minefield of trauma and PTSD and find your inner power…to activate your inner Chiron. From Rumi: “I said: Pain and sorrow. He said: Stay with it. The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Ministry, compassion and kindness emanate from empathy, from an understanding that the ‘other’ is suffering…which comes from understanding and processing your own suffering. I wrote previously about Chiron here.
Michael Meade would argue that, once we are willing to do our own work, our Wounded Healer (Chiron) can manifest in archetypal form and help the community, the country and the planet to heal.
“That's why I'm interested in this wounded healer archetype at this time I think we are being called frail and confused as uncertain as we can be, small as we can be compared to the great crisis, small as we can be compared to the cosmos. We are being called to respond to the wounding of the world not as Heroes but as potential healers who are also working on our own wounds. That's how I'm imagining the archetype in the world and in our own Souls…” –Michael Meade
“That said, there is still an intuitive heft to the Chiron effect. Misery enjoys company, and it takes one to know one. The school of hard knocks makes you wise. When you are in trouble or pain, you want someone who understands what it’s like and can offer a practical, relatable way out.” – The Chiron effect: Are “wounded healers” better healers?
To be good kings, good stewards, men must take up the mantle of achieving the mature masculine through their own inner work and then bring forth that healer energy to combat the poisoned patriarchal view of the Evangelical Patriarchy.
“The King is the executive of the other archetypes, and as such, is charged with making decisions. His ability to be decisive is rooted in two things. First, who he is and what he stands for; the King’s core values are centered on firm and unchanging principles. So when a crisis comes, he does not waver because he has already determined the course he will take. Secondly, the King seasons his decisions with experience. His experiences provide him with practical wisdom: the knowledge of how to do the right thing, at the right time, for the right reasons.” --The Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine: The King
This is the essence of stoicism, of right thought. We are called to this through our suffering so that we may be better healers.
If you are a man who was beaten with same belt that Mel Gibson craves or were pounded incessantly with damaging words that turned into toxic tapes that played in the background of your mind…you have a unique gift to offer to Mel and the men like him. You can see his pain, you know where his wounds are.
When you pull up behind a vehicle that has a bumper sticker that says, “Fuck Woke People,” you have the option of viewing the person behind the wheel sitting there in a hospital gown. That person is hurt, they are wounded, and they require ministry.
This is when The Christ that they turned their back on comes forth and you can remind them of that truth. This is what the men of today are required to bring forth, their King in His Fullness…for our children and for the world. Rev. Leonard J. Vander Zee is a man living his King in His Fullness.
“Macho power is not what Jesus calls for. Jesus himself did not operate in that way, Jesus was gentle, he was humble, particularly in his relationship with women. And that way he told us men what we are to be like. In fact, it's my conviction that that kind of idea that we need to have more power so that we can have our way or people will say God's way within society is the exact opposite of what Christ calls us to do.” –Pastor Len Vander Zee